Many times when we here the phrase, “Self-Love”, we cross our eyes with self-scorn. We haven’t yet learned that it is more than okay to not only like who we are but to love who we are as well. That includes flaws and all. It took me many years to understand that it was okay to love myself. I finally understood that before I could love or even like someone else, I first had to love me and accept me.
That was a very hard lesson to learn. When I learned it was okay to love myself, I also learned I was worthy, I had value and I had something to offer others. When I took the blinders from my eyes and understood that even as flawed as I am, I can offer those things to others it was as if a burden had been lifted from my shoulders. I was no longer my own worst critic.
I didn’t have to worry about how others felt about me. Because it didn’t matter. I belonged to my creator and he gave me worth. He believed enough in me that he sent the thing he loved most to give me life. He sent his son and watched him die for me.
When we can accept our self-love and understand that we all have a purpose, we all have value and we all have worth great things happen in our lives. People begin to respond to us. We attract people who respect our energy, our value and our worth. They want to know how to be like that.
When we can embrace our self-love, we can embrace others who are not yet aware that it is okay for them to have self-love. We get teach them by our example that they are worthy, they have value and they are okay where they are in life. It gives them the ability to understand they can grow.
We become like a magnet to folks wanting to know our secret. People want to be around us maybe hoping that whatever special thing we have will rub off on them.
Learning Self-Love is a daily process, it is not something we embrace overnight. And yes, we even find that we fall back into the old habit of not feeling good enough. When we do that, we must remember, our creator believed we were worthy.
As you look in your mirror each day while you are getting ready for your day, find something you like about yourself, remind yourself about that positive thing. Then tell yourself that you not only like you, but you love you. Then go out and watch the blessings you receive and give. We are the mirror that others see themselves in. Make that mirror shine.
Proverbs 11:22 states “A Beautiful woman who lacks discretion is like a gold ring in a pig’s snout.” Think about that for a moment. A gold ring can be a beautiful thing. It shines, it stands out and it is worth something. However, when placed in a pig’s snout, it not only loses its value, it loses its luster. The same thing can be said of a woman who has no discretion. For the sake of this post let us define the word discretion – Webster defines it this way ” the right to choose what should be done in a particular situation : the quality of being careful about what you do and say so that people will not be embarrassed or offended : the quality of being discreet”
Down through history women have the reputation of not being discreet. They appear not to have the ability to be careful of what they do or say so that others will not be embarrassed or offended. Take for example the celebrities of Hollywood and their many minions of followers during the last election when they wore pink hats and body suits that represented female parts. Their language when they stood up and spoke in front of t thousands of young women and older women. Their behavior when they were trying to make their point. It became what my mother used to call “common.” They had no pride in their character, their behavior or their reputation. It was as if they had placed a gold ring in the snout of a pig.
These same women complained because they have no respect from the male population. Sadly, they have been the culprit of that action. They have not demanded or claimed that respect. In fact, they have done the opposite. They have allowed themselves to become not only the gold ring in the snout of the pig, but in many instances the pig itself. They have rolled around in the mud of common behavior. They have allowed themelves to be disrespected. These same women who many are beautiful on the outside, are ugly on the inside. This ugly behavior is what comes to the surface and shines like a gold ring in the mud. Just like the pig with the gold ring in his nose – women without discretion are led by that same gold ring.
Ladies it is time we took back our beauty – to demand and command the respect that is due us. To understand that the promise was given to Eve in the garden after the sin was committed. That we are known by our speech and our actions. That our beauty is not the outward but by the discreet way we behave and speak.
Let us as women remember we are beautiful and that beauty comes from within. That we hold the world in our hands by our behavior. That we are the example to others by our behavior. That we are the ones who keep the future alive. Let us be beautiful and not like the gold ring in the snout of a pig.
When I first saw this little jewel, it struck me like a thunder bolt. I spent my entire life surrounding myself with people who tried to not only keep me down but kept their foot on my back like a weight. It wasn’t something that I did consciously, it was just the path of least resistance. The reason was I felt lack of worth.
How many of us go through life feeling that same way and wonder why we never feel good enough for God, who lifts us higher than any human? No matter what circumstances we find our self, God is always there with his hand out wanting to lift us higher and higher. When the entire world walks away, God is there.
We see others who appear to be more successful, more productive, more this or that and we compare our self to them. They are not our yardstick. They are not the barometer by which we pin our success. We do not see into their hearts, we cannot know the path they are walking.
Our yardstick and barometer is God. He has shown us his path. He has shown us his successes, his loss, his hurt and his triumphs. Yet, he is never failing. He always has his hand out to lift us higher than we can ever lift ourselves.
As humans we feel that we need validation from other humans. We seek out their approval, their standard for our success with a thirst that is never quenched. We then wonder why we are not raised higher. The answer to that is simple. Others are just as flawed as we are. They fight their own demons and feelings of lack of self-worth. When we depend on them to lift us up, we cheat ourselves and them of being lifted up by a power so high that we can never get enough of his lifting.
We forget to follow God’s example of lifting others up. We get so wrapped up in our own feelings we bring others down. How do we stop the cycle? The answer is simple. Take our Godly yardstick, use it for ourselves, and then use it to lift others which in turn lifts us even higher.
But we must remember this – we must not become so full of our self that we believe we are above those who have not reached the level that we believe they should be. God knows their heart. God knows their struggle. The height we reach is determined by how far down we reach out to others to help pull them higher.
The other day as I was scrolling through my social media, I came across a saying that really resonated with me. My mother used to ask me this question but in a different form. The question was “Why do you always insist on taking the hard road?” I was not wise enough to answer her well. However, I think now I can even though she is not with me any longer here on earth. The answer to the question is simply this, “Why do you assume I see two roads.”
As we are on our road of life, sometimes we must take a path that maybe we did not see coming to teach us a lesson that will not only help us, but it might be of benefit to someone else. Sure, that road may be filled with potholes, and danger or even a collision or two. But they are there for a reason.
I know as a child I was not the easiest child to raise. I had my own mind from the time I was a toddler. I always went my own path. I guess I felt like I needed to know things to experience first hand things in order to learn. Did I make bad decisions, did I fall on my face. You bet. Did I disappoint my parents, on more than one occasion. Did I fail myself, you bet I did. Did I disappoint my creator, I have forgotten the times I did. And yet, I learned, sometimes I had to fall in that pothole more than once. I credit my Scot/Irish ancestors with that mindset. But I learned, eventually. For those of you who know the person you see today, I was not always that person. I was shy, timid, felt unworthy, unloved and unaccepted. I would not speak up, nor would I voice an opinion. I felt I had nothing to offer. I strived to be all things to all people and in the end, I lost me. I felt that my words did not matter, that my worth did not matter and that no matter how much I strived, I would never matter. It took the hard road to show me that I mattered, if to no one else but God. I have been called harsh by some, even my own children in the past. Maybe am. I know that if I am asked, I will speak up. If I see someone running out into the road and a truck is on a Collison course with them, I will try to pull them back. That is my road.
The “hard road” has taught me how to make my past experiences a guidepost not a hitching post and that is okay.
The point is this. As humans maybe we only see one road, and maybe that is okay. Maybe our journey will help someone else on their journey down their hard road. What we must remember is that our Creator is always by our side. He always walks with us and we always have a way to get out of those potholes.